thirteen ways

I have an iPhone, which I love. Among the many cool features, it has a pretty much unlimited capacity to store text conversations. Being bored one day, I was flipping through the text exchanges I had had with members of the group since I bought the iPhone last October. What follows are highlights and some conversations that, when taken out of context, are pretty amusing (at least to me). All exchanges were written down exactly as they appear in the texts, spelling errors uncorrected, with the excpetion of textually bleeping out expletives.

From Lisa:
6/19/08 5:43 pm: Matthew and are taking van now. Eating dinner and then hiding in ghetto manor. If you have a problem with that let us know now.

From Matthew:
12/3/07, 8:18-9:55 pm
Matthew: Lookup the recipe for Hot Toddy
Nick: 1 tbsp honey, 3/4 glass tea, 2 shots brandy or whiskey, 1 slice lemon
Matthew: You rock

4/10/08, 9:54-10:06 am
Matthew: Ha ha. I just ate my lunch. No self control.
Nick: You can have second lunch in 2 hours.
Matthew: Mmm…

From Tim:
10/24/07, 11:05 am: Gonna be 5 mins late
12/11/07, 9:39 am: 5 minutes late…
12/12/07, 12:10 am: Bugger 5 mins late again…
6/29/08 8:06 pm: Harold and Kumar on comedy…rock on!
6/29/08 8:24 pm: I have far too much garlic bread if you want – rm 103

2/5/08 8:43-9:02 pm
Tim: Actually gonna go home n follow the election n work out…sorry mate
Nick: You could follow it online and drinkbyummy beer. Mmmm mmmm yummy beer.
Tim: This is tough but tonite im gonna be strong!

From Matt:
10/14/07 6:32-6:34 pm
Nick: Oh, by the way…Happy birthday dude. It is happy, isn’t it? No? I’m sorry. My sincere condolences on your birthday, then.
Matt: Thanks dude. I’m waiting for my flight to Richmond which is delayed. But all in all, good day.
Nick: That’s sucky. Sucky sucky sucky.

10/16/07 6:01-6:08 pm
Nick: Mike and I will destroy our instruments at 8:00 and the proceed merrily to Capitol ale house forthwith. Tim’s meeting us there, maybe Frank&Karen
Matt: Destroying instruments — nay! Vouchsafe thou must not belabor thy frustrations! Carry on with a god heart henceforth and hereafter!
Nick: Yea verily. What thou sayeth.

10/24/07 5:55-6:07 pm
Matt: Haven’t heard back from you. Assume everything was OK with the rental car?
Nick: Yup. I was quite late in picking it up.
Matt: Beezatch.
Nick: Yo bzatch. I just needed our Progressive policy number to add our rental car to it for the trip.
Matt: Ok it’s *********
Nick: Thanks dude

11/23/07, 7:25-8:10 pm
Nick: I’m picking your ass up. Look for the red hyundai swankmobile.
Matt: I will wear shades to shield my eyes from its glamour. Just touched down, still taxiing.

4/28/08 6:14 pm
Nick: I’m in front of yer place
Matt: And you smell bad, too.

4/2/08 10:38-11:09 pm
Matt: Kill s**t! Kill more s**t!
Matt: Do you want to kill s**t? I don’t know if I can take the demons without you…
Nick: I think I’m actually pretty tired, and besides, I want to give them a chance to kick your ass in nightmare mode.
Matt: I’ll just come back bigger and badder. Rest up, we’ll do it when you’ve got full health and energy.

From Michael:
10/18/07, 6:27 pm: When does the drinkin start?
11/3/07, 9:03 pm: Bitches. Where da partay?
11/29/07, 7:39 am: What bitches need from S’bux?
12/3/07: Shake it up punkin
1/26/08 9:28 am: Sugar. Come shove.
2/18/08 10:01 am: BTW, Work it.
2/19/08: Put on your loud strings. J’za’am.
3/13/08 11:09 pm: OMG youtube “f***ing ben affleck”
4/13/08: You are a whore and a skank.
6/21/08 10:46 am (Nick and Tim coming back from Creation Museum near Cincinnati): “Enjoy my handiwork, but don’t be late for your most improtant rehearsal.” -God

11/8/07 7:33-8:28 pm
Nick: Tim und ich trinken gehen aus das Kapital Ale Haus. Kommen sie mittungs?
Michael: Ja ja!!!
Nick: Gut
Nick (later): Wir sind hier. Wo sind du?
Michael: Ins autowagen
Michael; Ich mus ein Groizischsalat haben.

1/23/08 4:41-8:15 pm
Michael: You bitches going to Capital tonight. I needs me some grubbin
Nick: I could, but not sure when—we’re having dinner at Joanne’s.
Michael: Goodly. Tomorrow then. I haven’t been all week. Getting the shakes.
Nick (much later): I’m done—still up for beer?
Michael: I am already in the bed with tea and sushi. Wah!
Nick: Where’d you meet tea and sushi?
Michael: Umm. Eww!

1/29/08 10:11 pm
Michael: Atgt?*
Nick: TLBT Mon cherie?*

* Key to eighth blackbird frequently used acronyms
ATGT: All The Good Times, used in a situation where everything is F***ed up. Our version (and update) of FUBAR
TLBT: Tout Les Bon Temps, the French version of ATGT. Also acceptable is AGZ: Alles Gutes Zeit (with apologies for our French and German)